Ultimatum
by Pizza yum
Summary: AU. The demon was defeated in Devils Trap leaving all three Winchester's wondering what to do. Sam want's to go back to school but his Dad once again gives him that stupid ultimatum. WARNING: Thoughts of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural.

* * *

**Ch. 1**

The Demon was dead, John and Dean were both out of the hospital after the near fatal fight with the monster and all three Winchesters were now at Bobby Singer's at the end of the road to recovery. With the object of their obsession gone it left the three men with one question: What now?

Sam had been thinking for a while and with the numerous requests and offers he's got to go back to Stanford he figured that is what his next move would be. Now how would he tell his Dad and older brother? The two were acting like the year- long separation from each other had never happened. John still gave orders and Dean readily obeyed, no questions asked, and it frustrated Sam to no end. His brother was a grown man and deserved to make his own decisions without their dad trying to interfere. Currently both John and Dean were looking for their first job since killing the Demon that had destroyed their lives.

He would have to break the news soon. He didn't plan on going on the next hunt. By the excited look on Dean's face it would seem that their next hunt had been found. "Pack up Sammy boy we're leavin in the morning."

Sam looked at his older brother with a look that very clearly said that he didn't want to go. "What's the matter Sammy? You know we can't mooch off Bobby forever man. We got get out there."

"I'm not going Dean."

"What do you mean you're not going? Sammy there is a hunt out there. People need our help."

"Hey boys," John greeted entering the room. "Sammy you should pack up we're leaving first thing in the morning."

Well it looked like this was it. Sam took a deep breath hoping that his family would understand this time. "Dad, I'm not going hunting. I'm not doing it anymore. The thing that killed Mom and Jess is dead."

"What do you mean you're not hunting anymore," John demanded.

"I got an offer from Stanford. They said that I could come back at anytime to finish what I started. I'm going to go to school and get my degree."

"So what Sammy you're just going to go and be some big fancy lawyer and forget you even had a family," Dean questioned angrily.

"No I'm not going to forget about you guys."

"You're going to abandon us again for your own stupid selfish reasons," Dean accused.

"No," Sam was practically begging for them to understand now. "This life it's not what I want. Please understand Dean I can't do this forever."

"We're supposed to be a family again," Dean cried.

"Dean."

"No Sam." This time it was John talking. "If you want to leave that's fine, but don't expect us to support you."

"What, if I go you're going to kick me out of the family again?"

The silence from both of the men was enough of an answer for Sam. He shook his head in disbelief before walking out of the house slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

The next morning when Dean was woken up by his father he searched the room he shared with his brother and felt disappointment that none of Sam's things were there. 'Sammy left us again,' he though gloomily as he picked up his stuff and walked out to the car.

His heart jumped when he saw his little brother leaning against the impala looking like a kicked puppy dog. He cleared his throat before he spoke up. "I thought you left."

Sam shrugged before answering, "I thought you wanted to be a family again." Both John and Dean smiled at the answer.

"Let's get going then," John stated before slipping into shot-gun leaving Sam to fold himself into the back seat. While lost in their joy of having their youngest back with them both older men didn't see the look of pain in Sam's eyes as he took his seat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2**

Sam didn't know why his family insisted he go on hunts. All he would do was get in the way and cause trouble. It had been three months since he decided to give up his dream of the life that he longed for. The constant flow of death was seriously starting to get to him. While hunting the yellow eyed demon he was able to block out his depression because he knew there was a goal; an end to the fighting. But now it all seemed kind of pointless. Yeah they saved lives but some they were too late to save. John and Dean could both just focus on the positive but every life they couldn't save would eat at Sam constantly, and it was eating him alive.

Sam sometimes didn't even know why he got up in the morning he was constantly tired and achy, anything he did just didn't seem like it would ever be enough. 'Dad and Dean should just drop me off on the side of the road and leave me,' he thought to himself after a particularly bad hunt in which Dean had gotten hurt. His older brother was thrown out a second story window by a spirit. Luckily it had rained recently so the fall hadn't killed him, just left a few bruises. 'If I had been faster then, Dean wouldn't have gotten hurt.' Sam had been in charge of digging up the bones then salting and burning them while his family distracted the spirit.

After a similar hunt in which Dean had been thrown into John and both fell off a flight of stairs Sam had the thought to just end his misery and rid his family of the burden he had become. The thought had scared Sam to no end. He had only thought of committing suicide a twice before in his life. Once while he was a new freshman in college, luckily he had met Jess and she had helped him through it. The next time was after Jess had died. He would have gone through with it too if he didn't know that it would've torn his brother apart. 'But now Dean has Dad,' he rationalized in his head. 'Suck it up Winchester. Boo hoo you don't get to go to school. Big deal,' he told himself.

"Wake up boys," His Dad's voice cut through his musings. Sam sighed as he realized that once again he hadn't been able to get any sleep that night.

"What is it Dad," Dean's sleepy voice cut in.

"A rash of suicides in a small town in Michigan."

"So," Dean questioned.

"So, I think that it might be a depression demon."

"Okay," Dean got up and went about packing his things. "Sammy get up and pack we leave in thirty."

"I'm already packed," Sam mumbled.

"You are?"

"Never unpacked."

"Oh, Okay then."

A half hour later Sam was forced to roll out of bed and drag himself and his stuff to the car where he once again folded his body to fit into the small space. 'Maybe that's why I've been so achy,' he thought.

* * *

Several hours later while stopping for gas Dean decided let John drive and climbed into the passenger's seat. He turned around to look at his little brother. "Sammy you okay back there."

"I'm fine Dean."

"If you say so," Dean shrugged. 'What's wrong with Sammy,' he wondered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch 3**

"Dad, I don't think it's a depression demon," Dean was arguing with their father.

"Yes it is Dean there is no reason for this many people to kill themselves in such a small town."

"Dad all of the victims already had a history of depression."

"I know it doesn't make since, but just go with me on this one son."

"Okay, it just doesn't make since. They feed of depression why go after someone who wouldn't last as long."

"Maybe because while the person doesn't last as long the depression is stronger than those it has to work. And besides its goal is to kill and it's able to kill more people faster if it doesn't have to work as hard," Sam spoke up.

"That's an idea," John said.

'_He doesn't believe you Sam_,' a voice that Sam had been hearing since arriving in town told him. '_He doesn't trust you. Why should he? After all you did runaway once, and then tried to again_.'

Sam shook his head trying to shake the voice. He knew it was probably the demon and he should tell his family but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Maybe this way he would actually be able to work up the nerve to get rid of himself and the burden he was on his family.

"Yeah, well if we're going with the idea that the demon is going after already depressed people then maybe we should start looking for the next victim," Dean suggested.

"Good idea. Sam why don't you go see what you can find at the hospital while Dean and I check out clinics in nearby towns," John took charge.

'_They're trying to get rid of you. They always worked best when it was just the two of them. You should just get rid of yourself for them_.' Sam silently agreed with the voice. 'It would be easier this way,' he thought. They wouldn't have to worry about protecting him anymore. 'I don't know why they bothered in the first place.'

"Sam, you with us buddy?" Sam looked up at his father and brother who were both staring at him with concern.

"Yeah, hospital, right, I'll get right on it."

"Hold up Sammy," Dean grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving. "Where'd you go just then?"

"Nowhere, I was right here the whole time."

"Sammy are you alright?"

'_Look what you did now. He's going to be too focused on you during the hunt, get hurt, and it'll be all your fault.'_

"I'm fine."

Dean and his Dad traded looks, "If you say so," Dean let his arm go.

"W-we'll see you later Sammy," John said looking at him with concern.

"Bye."

Sam "borrowed" a car and drove to the hospital. Using a phony ID and a story about him being a newly hired psychiatrist he was able to gather the information that he needed and make copies. He drove back to the hotel he was sharing with his family in silence. He put the paper on the table so that his that Dean and his dad would be able to do the hunt. He gathered his things and threw his duffle bag over his shoulder holding his gun tucked safely into the back of his pants. He had seen a bridge about a mile away. He figured the best way to do this was to stand on the side of the bridge and shoot himself in the head and fall backwards into the water. He had heard stories of people still surviving after being shot in the head and didn't want anything to go wrong. He also figured it would take care of his body and all of his stuff.

It took Sam about a half hour to reach the bridge. '_You're making the right choice here. You're to useless to even __**walk **__a mile without getting tired.' _ It was true. He was exhausted. He was standing on the edge now looking down. He slowly took the gun of out and put it in his mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch 4**

"Dad do you really think that the demons going after people who are already depressed?"

John looked at his son briefly before turning back to the paperwork they had collected earlier. "It's a good theory. Only one we got."

"I think maybe we should get Sam away from this hunt then."

"What," John looked up to see Dean struggle to get his words out.

"Dad every since you-we gave him that stupid ultimatum he hasn't said anything other than what was absolutely necessary."

"So he's brooding because he can't go to school. He'll get over it."

"No Dad, I think it's more than that. He hasn't been sleeping well, and when he does it still looks like he's not getting any, and he's losing weight like crazy."

"It's all in your head Dean," John brushed it off.

"It's not all in my head. How can you say that? Have you even looked at the kid lately?"

"Look Dean I can take care of my own son so just back off."

"Because you've never taken care of him Dad it's always been me."

"How dare you? I am your father you will give me the respect I deserve."

"I'll give you respect when you- SAMMY!" Dean slammed his breaks when he saw possibly the most horrifying thing he could ever think of. There was Sam on the edge of a bridge with a gun in his mouth getting ready to pull the trigger.

* * *

'_Do it Sam, you know it's for the best.' _Sam swallowed as he gathered his courage to pull the trigger. He didn't hear the car screech to a stop or the sound of somebody running towards him. He was completely unaware until he felt a pair of hand grab him from behind and pull him back and another pair wrestle the gun out of his hands.

"NO! LET ME GO," He screamed. "I have to do this."

"Sammy," the young man tensed at the sound of his brother voice and started to struggle to get away. "Stop it."

"It's the only way."

"Only way for what?"

"For me not to be a burden anymore."

"Dean let's get him back to the room." Dean nodded as he helped his little brother to the car and then into the back seat. Tossing the keys to his father he sat next to Sam and muttered reassurances to him. Dean didn't even bother to fight back the tears as his baby brother begged them to just let him die.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

When they arrived back at the hotel, John quickly started getting everything they would need to perform an exorcism on Sam while Dean held his baby brother making sure that the demon wasn't going to try anything else.

"Here Sammy, I need you to drink this."

"What is it?"

"It's going to help you." Sam started shaking his head no, but Dean grabbed his face while John forced the drink down his son's throat. Once Sam had drank the entire thing he passed out.

"What was that stuff Dad?"

"It's to bring the Demon out."

"What?"

"Depression demons hide in its victim's subconscious and the only way to do the exorcism is to bring it out so that it has more control than usual."

"What you're giving it more control over Sam?"

"Just for a minute. Help me tie him to that chair."

Dean couldn't believe that he was tying Sammy to a chair, but knew it was for his brother's own good.

Several minutes later Sam began to stir and then fully awake. "Wh-what's going on? Dad? Dean? Why am I tied to a chair?"

"Cut the crap," John commanded.

"Didn't even full you for a second did I Johnny," Sam, no, not Sam, the demon smirked.

"Nope." John nodded towards Dean who started chanting in Latin. John watched as the demon tried desperately to hold onto Sam."

"You think that getting rid of me is going to fix everything," the demon questioned. John just stood there while Dean was still chanting.

"You're dead wrong. I was doing Sam a favor. I felt his delicious suffer while you were still a hundred miles away. I've been feeding off of him ever since. I barley had to do anything to get Sam to take the final step. He's wanted to do it so bad for weeks now."

Dean stared at the demon dumbstruck. He knew something was wrong with his little brother but nothing that wrong. "Keep going Dean," his father barked.

"What's that matter the truth to hard to except? You want to know something else? It's all your fault."

"What do you mean," John spoke up.

"All little Sammy ever wanted was to live a normal life, have friends and a family, but no you couldn't let him have that. Instead you had to drag him along with you on the path of death and destruction and Sam with his sensitive little soul just couldn't handle it. Yes that's right, but you know John it wasn't you who did this to Sam, you helped but it was Dean. Sam can handle you being angry with him but he can't stand to see Dean mad at him and when he took your side. It tore him apart."

Dean finished the chant and the Demon was gone.

* * *

"Dad, you know what this means don't you?" Dean was looking towards the bathroom where Sam was taking a shower, the door wide open so that his family could keep an eye on him.

"You were right Dean. We shouldn't have brought Sam here in the first place. This is all my fault."

'You're wrong Dad,' Dean thought. 'This is my fault, not yours.'

* * *

Sam was crying silently while he let the water run over him. 'I can't do anything right. I can't even kill myself right. Now Dean and Dad are going to be too busy worrying about me to concentrate on the job.' Sam could hear the mumbled conversation from the shower and knew that they were talking about him. It was always about him. 'Now I guess they both know how weak I truly am.' Sam turned off the water, got out and dressed quickly. When he walked into the room neither his brother of father would look at him. 'They're too ashamed to even look at me.' Sam collapsed onto his bed trying to hold the tears in. 'Next time I'm alone I can do it,' was the last comforting thought he had when he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

John couldn't sleep. He just had thoughts of Sam running through his mind. Sam was such a happy little boy always running around laughing. Sam as a teenager was vastly different, he was brooding and moody all the time, and it seemed that Sam wasn't happy unless he was fighting with his father.

Dean laid in his bed staring at his baby brother all night wondering how he was going to make this up to the boy. A little before dawn he sat up and looked over at his dad who was laying on the couch across from the beds. He could tell that the older man wasn't asleep so he walked over to his dad whispered, "We need to talk." John sat up, Dean sitting close to him as they whispered.

"Dad, I think that Sam may need some help that we can't give him."

"What are you talking about Dean?"

"I think that Sam may need to see a shrink."

John winced, "You're probably right, but you know he's not going to like the idea."

"Yeah well I'm going to call Bobby see if he knows anyone who knows the stuff we do, who can help Sammy out." They spent the next two hours talking about ways to help Sam.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6

When Sam awoke he found his brother and father heads together whispering. They used to do that when he was a kid and were having trouble that they didn't want him to know about. 'Maybe they finally decided that I'm not worth it and they're going to leave me.'

John and Dean both glanced at Sam and saw that he was awake but wasn't moving. "I'm going to get some breakfast. I'll be back in a few," John announced before walking out the door leaving the boys alone. They decided that it would be best if Dean was the one to talk to Sam about getting some help.

"Hey Sammy can I talk to you." Sam looked at his older brother. Dean took a deep breath. "Sammy Dad and I both think that you need some help."

"Why would I need help?"

"Sam what happened last night, we've been in town for less than a week, and for that thing to work that fast, well it's obvious that you already had to be thinking about doing something like that." Dean couldn't bring himself to say that Sam was trying to kill himself.

"Well maybe it would be for the best."

Dean looked as if somebody had just hit him the face. He had been expecting Sam to say something like that, but it still hurt to hear. 'I did this to him.' "No Sammy it wouldn't. I think that it would be best to go back to Bobby's for a while. I called him earlier and he has a friend that could help you out."

"I don't need help Dean."

"Yes you do."

John chose that moment to walk in bags of food in his arms. By the looks on his boys' faces he could tell that Dean had broken the news to Sam.

"Eat up. We leave for Bobby's as soon as everything is packed up."

"I'm not hungry Dad," Sam announced.

"Tough, you're going to eat and you're not going to complain," Dean spoke up.

* * *

**Sorry it's so short **


	7. Chapter 7

**Ch. 7**

They arrived at Bobby's in practically no time at all. John and Dean both felt that they needed to get Sam help as soon as possible. Bobby had come up with an ex-hunter who was now a psychiatrist and had already set up an appointment for Sam once they got into town. Sam had huffed and whined the entire way. He knew he was acting like an annoying brat but that was the point. To get his family annoyed with him so that they would just let him be. Needless to say it didn't work.

Once they arrived at Bobby's the older man had a room set up for him and Dean to share, he had taken the door off the bathroom that he and Dean would be sharing, it was obvious that the old hunter didn't want Sam to be alone for even a moment. Much to Sam's dismay his family seemed to share the same thought. He didn't even get a second to himself.

* * *

Sam sat in Dr. Angel's office picking at a string coming out of his shirt completely ignoring the older man in front of him.

"Sam," Dr. Angel's voice broke through.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we talk about why you're here?"

"I'm here because my overbearing, overprotective family forced me to come."

"Why would they do that?"

"I don't know why don't you go ask them. They're both sitting right outside."

"Sam you said that your family was overbearing, why do you say that?"

Sam didn't answer.

"Okay let's change the subject. I got some information from your brother. He said that you tried to commit suicide a few night ago."

Sam huffed. 'I can't believe Dean would just go tell a complete stranger that.'

"Sam I don't think he did it to make you mad. I think he's trying to help you, and he's doing the right thing. Now since you tried to commit suicide you have two options Sam, you can talk to me or we can check you into a hospital for observation and help. Which is it going to be?"

Sam sighed; he knew he didn't have a choice. "Look, it's not like I don't love my family I do," he started slowly. He was always one to talk things out and if someone was going to willingly listen to him he was going to talk. "But I wanted to go to school. You know get a degree, make something of my life. But they didn't want me to go. I guess that's when I started to feel like this."

"Sam your girlfriend died in a fire this past year didn't she?" When Sam gave him a questioning look Dr. Angel's response was, "Your brother told me."

Sam shook his head, "Yeah she died in a fire."

"A fire that you, yourself survived yes?"

Sam swallowed back the tears, "Yeah."

"Maybe that's when this all started. Maybe you just never fully recovered from her death."

Sam glared at the doctor and both knew that this session wasn't going anywhere so Dr. Angel let Sam go.

* * *

"You had no right to tell him about any of that stuff." It was later that night and Dean had asked Sam about his first session.

"Sammy he said that any information I give him could help you."

"You didn't have to tell him about Jess. I'm over that."

"Obviously you're not if you still can't talk about her."

"Of course I can't talk about her. I loved her and she died because of me!" Sam slid down to the floor crying, "She died because of me, just like mom. It should have been me both times Dean, I don't deserve to live."

Dean sat next to his brother and held him as he cried for the loss of his lover and the mother he never knew.

"It's going to be alright Sammy, I promise. You just have to let us help you."

"I just want the pain to stop Dean. That's all I want."

"I know Sammy, it will. It'll just take some time."

"It would be over if you and Dad just let me do what I wanted."


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch. 8**

"Sam, would you tell me about Jessica?"

Sam didn't know why Dr. Angel included this question in ever session he's had over the past three weeks, and every time Sam would tell him no.

Except this time, "Why do you want to know about her?"

Dr. Angel smiled inwardly knowing that he was beginning to make a little bit of progress in that area.

"I think that it would help you deal with her death if you were able to talk about her."

When Sam didn't respond he decided to change the subject. "Have you talked to Dean and your dad?"

Sam shook his head. A few days ago he had promised that he would talk to them about what they had done to him by making him stay. "Why not?"

"I'm just trying to find a good time to bring it up."

"Sam, we both know that's not true. Your family is very concerned about you and want to help but they can't help if you don't let them know what's wrong" Sam looked down at his hands. "You don't have to talk until you're ready," the doctor reassured. Sam quietly nodded.

"Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?" Sam nodded.

"I would like to get you started on anti- depressants right away so we can find the right prescription," he handed a bottle to Sam. "I want you to start taking these starting today. In a few weeks we'll see if they're working and if they're not we'll keep looking okay."

Sam took the bottle with a shaking hand. "I've told your brother that I would be giving these to you. They're going to be keeping an eye on you. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam walked out of the office and found his brother sitting patiently for him reading a magazine.

* * *

Sam swallowed the pill thinking how stupid he was for needing a pill to be happy.

"There's nothing wrong with it you know Sammy." He jumped at the sound of his brother's voice. "Taking the pills I mean." He saw both his brother standing in the doorway to the kitchen looking at him.

'I thought I was supposed to be the psychic one,' Sam thought.

"Sam,"

"I don't want to talk right now." He really didn't. After he had time to think about everything he realized that he was mad at his dad and Dean and didn't want to hurt them by saying something that he may or may not mean.

"You need to."

"No I don't."

"You haven't said anything in four days. Please Sammy just tell me what wrong."

"You want to know what's wrong? Fine I'll tell you what's wrong. It's the two of you. All of my life I have taken the backseat to hunting, yeah I complained but in the end I helped when you asked me to. Then I come to you with a full-ride scholarship to Stanford, twice, and you say I can either go to school or have a family. Families don't make someone choose between them and their dreams."

"You're right Sammy."

Sam looked on in shock at his father. "You shouldn't have to choose between us and school. It was selfish of us to make you choose." Dean nodded his head in agreement.

"Sammy, from now on just do what makes you happy. We're not going to stop you," Dean said.

'This isn't how things are supposed to go,' Sam thought. 'They're supposed to be yelling and calling me selfish, while I yell and say the same about them.'

"Heck Sammy, if it's what you want, I'll drive you to Stanford myself," John said with a smile. "I thought I was doing what was right by keeping you with me. I can see that I was wrong, both times."

Sam smiled for the first time in months. It made both Dean's and John's hearts soar knowing that they had finally done something right. "So Sammy, you got another full ride to Stanford. I must say little brother that is quiet impressive."

**The End**


End file.
